It’s Sunday morning, almost lunchtime, and I’m in my study. It’s the room where I feel most at home in. The wall to wall bookcases which J built remind me of those beautiful English libraries you can find in some National Trust properties. I don’t like antiques but everything can be a source of inspiration. Thank goodness for this room, because after a little more than a year back in Malta, I still cannot say that this is my home.
Anyone who has lived in different countries will know what I mean. Home is not necessarily where you were born. Far from it. Home is where you feel at peace with yourself and others. People ask me constantly how I am settling down now that I’m back. It’s a tricky question with a tricky answer, let me tell you. I have no answer for you, or rather, I might have it but it’s complicated. It’s like my relationship with Facebook. I love it and loathe it at the same time. People do get offended when I say that, but hey, it’s what it is! And don’t tell me to go back to my own country, as some have said to me, because that’s just plain rude!
The word ‘home’ is too big a concept to explain in a few words, and I feel I can’t do it, even in one of my rambling blog posts. Most probably because this word always made an impression. At least, to me. Even as a child I have always had this awareness of a kind of not feeling or not being totally at home. Feeling displaced almost all the time is not a fun thing, again for me. I know people who relish the fact that they can travel and who love their almost-nomadic lifestyle. Even though I do admire them (because I can sort of understand how freeing this can be), I like to feel grounded. But sometimes, the more I want this, the more it seems unattainable.
However, on a more positive note, I think I did find one place I can call home. You can see it in the photo above. Guildford Cathedral is a landmark. My landmark. I took this photo around two days before I left. You can find it in another post, but to me it’s the most appropriate picture for this one too. Every time J and I drove back home, be it after a week’s stay in the Lake District or even a day’s trip to a stately home or park, that majestic building was always there. Every time I spotted it, I would say to J ‘we’re finally home.’ Without fail.
They say that home is where the heart is. True. I miss Guildford, but most of all I miss my friends. And I can’t wait to visit and see them again.